Guess who just finished at 650+ word paper on how/why torture can be justified! ... haha. Just because I know there's only one other girl in the class who won't be writing about how inhuman it is. Ethics are boring if everyone agrees.

So now it's 2:30. I still have a few more assignments. I really want to go home but at the same time, I want to put it off as long as possible.

It's really really weird beyond words. Sitting here, feet up with my laptop, at Chris' computer. Listening to music, writing a paper. No one to bug me.

So I've killed as much time online as I can. I better get started on my homework, finally. I figure I'll start on the torture one. Not sure. I know I just need to throw myself and get the ball rolling for anything to happen.

Luca spent the night here. Left to catch a bus at 11:30. I think he thought I was going home too. No company on the bus for him! Aw.

Anyway. Chris' high school friends couldn't come. Becca couldn't either since she couldn't get the car. With exception to Christina, it was just a massive sausage fest ... so she and her boyfriend left early. I felt so bad haha. Ah well.

I think I'm hungry.I intend to clean up the apartment for Chris. Poor gal is exhausted.

I hate to admit it, but I have practically moved in with Chris. She's loving it. I have to admit that it really is super nice.

It's been hard to get any homework done when I'm at my place. It's funny but the 3 weeks that Grandpa was here, mom was off my back. She had her own family. The first day after he left, she went back to going on about how she needs me. I've abandoned my responsabilities, and am not pulling my weight. I keep explaning to her that I have tons of homework to do. Tons as in 10 pages that are overdue, plus what has yet to come. The class is over in less than a week anyway. But it is interesting to see that as soon as her family leaves, mom turns to me to be her only emotional link in this city.

Part of me does want to go home. I'd love to settle in. I really super miss my bunnies. But as soon as I am there, they demand demand demand, as if I don't have my own [important] things to get done. I'm sorry, mom, but my highest priority is to pass this class.

Anyway, I went home last night to give something back to Aaron, and to clean up the bunny cages. I spent a bit of time unpacking and clearing my floor too. I met nothing but hostility (resentment?) from dad. The tension in the room could've been cut with a knife when they saw Chris and I carry a bunch of my shit outta the house. They probably assumed it was to move my stuff in here. In reality it was my knapsack full of alcohol. (I brought almost everything for Chris' housewarming party tonight). Then I realized that guitar hero [drunk] would prolly be something people would want, so I brought that too.

I've written about this before, about how Aaron, Chris and I all agree that mom would have a mental breakdown when I move out. That, I was expecting. Receiving the cold shoulder from everyone, as if I'm literally not a part of the family though ... that hurts.

I haven't moved out though. Once school is over I hope to 'move back in' at home. I suppose on some level, it's nice to know what to expect when I do move out.

I've had two days back at work so far. Both times I got there without dad. I don't want to go in with him anymore. I don't want to keep showing up late. It affects my job, not his.

Wednesday he 'waited' for me to give em a lift home. He had the day off since the kitchen was being put in. I didn't have a chance to get back to him till 5:10. He left me voicemail saying he asked Adrianna (this attractive spanish woman prolly around mom's age or a bit younger) to see if I was still there. I made eye contact with her as she walked out. When I got a chance to call dad back, he was already on the highway on the way home. Yeah. Right. Like he came to pick me up. I'm not that stupid. I've seen him emailing her all day, just as he emails me.

So I'm frustrated with how both of my parents are acting now. I'd love to go back home. I'm also loving my freedom here with Chris way too much. Blah.

Anyway, her party is tonight. I'm thinking I should try and get some of the grocery shopping done. I don't think I can carry it all back here though, which would mean two trips. I'd like the exercise. On the trip with Cayb we're aiming at doing this one trail up a mountain, but it's up to 25k. Doesn't help it's not flat land either. The end of it sounds bloody amazing, but it's supposed to take 10-12 hours and honestly, neither Chris or I are anywhere near in good enough shape. I know it's pretty much a walk in the park for him, but ... yeah. I know we prolly won't be able to. He's planned a day for us to do it though. I need to start moving more anyway.

...I like going grocery shopping with Chris though. haha :)

Chilling at Chris'. I came here last night. I've actually been here every night since Friday. I thanked mom last night (I went home for about 2 hours after work) for being absolutely ok with it. Her response actually really surprised me. "I understand. You just want to get away from the tension". Chris and I have both noticed how much the move has changed the dynamics in the family. I mean, the bunnies aren't the only ones who have been affected. Mom and dad too. It's really interesting.

Dad actually really pissed me off yesterday. I essentially told mom that if Dad keeps it up, I'll just walk home from work. YES, Chris lives close enough that I can walk home from Delmar. ♥ ...but she understands.

It's been super nice to be chilling here today. I did it to do my homework. Well, I got one assignment done. I was going to do the second, but I need to speak to the teacher about it. (Alas, if only he had more office hours!). As for the third, well, blah. I really need to do more reading for it. I don't feel so bad. This one is only due today. (Ha Ha). But I'm really really happy I got some stuff done.

I'm leaving soon-ish. I'm trying not to think about it. School, get home late, and then work on Wednesday. I'm going to be tired!

I meant to cook some dinner for Chris. I know I'll have other nights for that though. I did the dishes which was nice. I need to find something to eat at school tonight. Blah. I think I've relaxed to the point of being somewhat lethargic. But it's chill. :)

I've been watching Xena since Friday too. It's cute 'cause Chris and I sit here and laugh about these really lame details that make it that much more corny etc. "Oh look, the 'stone' castle walls JIGGLE when they hit them!".

Ok. Ok. I guess I should do something.

So it's official. My bunnies have bonded.

One trick people recommended to me was to stress the two of them out together. Well. The move stressed them out a lot. At least it did in Bun's case. He pissed himself so many times while he was in his carrying case. I felt so bad for the little bugger.

Anyway. I had to take off the divider for their cages in order to move them, but couldn't re-attach it since I don't have a staple gun. It's REALLY funny but one of the first things Bun did was go straight up to visit Moose. He actually went up a fair amount. She didn't really pay much attention to him, which is good. No fighting.

Anyway, it actually escalated to the point where she went down into his cage. (I was wondering if she was able to do that ... or if she did, would she be able to get back up). Instead of being super territorial and attacking, Bun tried to mount and start humping her.

Well. I'd say they're friends now.

Super super stressing to be around here, for so many reasons. I actually can't concentrate and get any of my shit done. Shit meaning homework. I'm tempted to spend the night at Chris' YET AGAIN. I'd feel bad but well. If it means I can get stuff done ...

I guess I'll go clean up my room a bit now. Make headway, and then see.

Today was my first day back at Delmar. It was nice to be back. So many new hires though. I actually felt kinda useless. Naomi was super awesome though.

This guy I like who I sat near during the first class listens to classical music I think, from what I can make of it. I can't identify it, but it's good music. Man. AND this guy owns a ctrl alt del shirt. It's almost like he's made of win. (I forgot to mention he gets my sense of humor). It's also really random. Ah well. I'll enjoy his company from a distance for the 4 remaining classes.

Everyone is super stressed at home, which is making their tempers flare. I'm getting angry too, but mostly I'm trying to run around and keep things moving.

In class. Covering Magna Carta, Habeas Corpus and all that stuff. I have two assignments to write up this weekend. (Both are late). The material itself isn't that bad. The guy marks weirdly ... IMHO. A whole bunch of little things bug me about him. His only office hours are 30 minutes before class starts. It kinda limits things, especially if we can't email him our assignments. I understand it when teachers don't want us to email them our homework, but they usually have decent office hours to compensate.

Ah well. This class isn't worth freaking over, considering how much is going on in other things.

Anyway, none of our rooms have doors of them. I think they're getting put up on Saturday. It was weird lying in bed last night listening to them all breathing. (I went to bed last, excited to have my own room, in which I get to put my own stuff, and only my stuff).

I met Rob last night!

I went to the cock n bull with him last night instead of going to class. Meh, it was the first class I missed so I figure I'm allowed. We split two pitchers. I dont' know how much beer I drank since he kept refilling our glasses. I did get drunk though. First time that I was flat out drunk since Mei's house party last summer so that was super fucking awesome. I was dying of dehydration when I got up. I guess you could call it a hangover but I was dead when I left the house to go meet him, so it was more a mix of both. Meh.

Then I woke up super early today since we're moving. The movers are on there way here. A bit over 3 hours to pack the damn truck. It'll take longer to unpack it. It's raining quite a bit too. I'm excited to arrange my room though.

uhh. I guess that's all the time I have to update. The movers should be here any minute, from what I understand.

Still don't have the mark for my final essay. 93%, but I'm so nervous about that paper! Aug!

I'm having a mild panic attack in regards to a number of things, and want to break down crying.

Heading to Chris' to bake cookies for gpa. He's too skinny [hence why he drinks that coke!]. I'm just hoping that helps. Up early tomorrow though since she has work.

Guys are back from the wedding. Aaron said the aunts didn't understand why I stayed behind. ...But they're cunts anyway. Well, one is. Accused my dad of extortion. Nothing against Roseanna's mom. They're coming to town on Wednesday.

Debbie asked if I still played violin. Aaron said no. She asked if I still had my violin, Aaron said yes. She then asked if Roseanna could play it. It's funny 'cause I can't express how that makes me feel. I hate that I look so much like that witch. Thank god we're moving. "No time". I'm glad my violin is hidden.

Only a hardcore musician would get this though. I realize this makes me look like a possessive bitch. Most [if not everyone] people who've studied music seriously would understand what I mean and how I feel. It's an unspoken orchestra rule that you just DON'T go near anyone's instruments. Augh.

and well, I just hate Debbie.

My grandpa pwns!

I mean I just think he's the coolest grandpa out there. That obviously varies from person to person, depending on what you're like, of course.

But my grandpa?

He's upstairs with a coke and a crowbar.

(When I think elderly, I think bad backs and prune juice).

Anyway. I'm not going to the wedding. So, no 7 hour drive to Waterloo for me! I convinced mom during a run to Loblaws. No time to explain now though. "wanna come help tear things down?" - Mom
Hellz Yes!

Cayb called me last night but I couldn't talk, so I promised him a really long lj entry. A lot has been going on. Of course now I don't really know where to start.

My family was supposed to move into the house today. It got pushed to next week though. The floors upstairs were finished/varnished and it made the house reek, majorly. Also, Dad has been getting his share of the work done rather slowly, so the house was nowhere near ready for us to move in today. Mom changed the date with the movers to Wednesday. So, tomorrow I'm puttering around the house some more. I need to find wedding clothes and pack and all that fun stuff. On Saturday we're driving to Waterloo. I really wish we weren't going, but it's a wedding... Mom is staying behind though with grandpa.

I think thats it on my home front.

Yesterday I spent 14 hours helping Chris set up her apartment. That was the sort of stuff I was really sad I'd be missing. It turned out to be tons of fun. Chris and I are a force to be reckoned with. There were a few moments we agreed were utter LJ moments but I can't really remember them now. The downside to updating when in class is that I lose all desire to write in detail. I could easily write hundreds of words but well. Blah. haha

http://www.cad-comic.com/images/news/Lite0001.jpg

98% on the other paper, w00t! (Funny because I thought it was pretty bad). My class average is still around 95% or so....But I still have 3 more marks to be added. Anyway, it is FINISHED!!!

I got to play with a crowbar today. I didn't even know we owned one! Removing baseboards and shelving units and all that fun stuff.

It looks like I'm needed again so I'm off. Ah well. :)

I need to get out of the habit of staying in school after my night class. Last week I stayed until 11. The guard was locking the doors as I went out. It's getting close to 10:30 now. Last time I stayed so I could chill a bit, talking with Cayb and Gaby. I don't know why, but I've been feeling strangely lonely recently. Maybe it's because we're moving next week. Home is just so ... lonely. It's weird 'cause I'll walk through and its starting to feel like a stranger's home. The walls are getting stripped of everything that's been up for years. On top of it, I can't really talk with anyone. No internet. I could call someone, but who is there? Chris? I prefer leaving her alone when she's chez elle, since she's over so often. I cant call Cayb since my parents would kill me for the long distance costs. I'm at the mercy of him calling me. (Which he did earlier. It was funny). I hate talking to Steve on the phone for some reason. ... and that's about it. What am I gonna do? Call Rob? haha, awkward!

Grandpa is flying in tomorrow. Overnight flight, arriving here at 7am. I don't remember exactly the last time I saw him. He'll be here to help out with the renovations. It hit me that I have to write my final paper this weekend. I have a quiz tomorrow, the final test on Monday and then I'm done the morning class. Then I get to devote my time to my night course [ethics] and pack like crazy. Starting monday, the next two weeks are going to be crazy. Grandma moves monday, we move thursday (Chris starts moving somewhere in between), we leave for waterloo on Saturday, drive back monday. ...Then I help mom unpack like there's no tomorrow so I can finally become ungrounded and have the freedom to go see my friends and Chris' apartment. I'm actually missing the whole ordeal of her moving out. I'm really disappointed about that, but that's just how life goes. At least I get to help her break it in ;).

I spoke to my Ethics teacher about the final project. I need to find someone who works in a small business. Maybe some family owned thing. I think I'll post about that in the Montreal community.

10:40. Time is going by too fast.

Leaving for school in a few minutes.

I got up with Chris this morning! It's been ages since I've left the house this early. I basically bummed a ride to grandma's, since it's on the way to the highway. (She turns one street after my grandma's on her way so I figured I could just hop out at the corner). It was kinda cute, almost like heading to work tomorrow.

Came here to do some research. I skipped class yesterday. Mom cornered me for a huge discussion JUST as I needed to leave for school. I was really pissed, but at least she didn't give me shit for staying home afterwards. We were just watching American Beauty, which I've already seen before. I have to write a paper on it today though. I have no fucking idea what I'm going to write about. I came here to see what I could find in answer to the 9 questions he gave us. (Rather a list of things he asked us to take notice of?). Not knowing what I want to write is worrysome.

... I'll wing it.

I guess it's time to head off to school now.

I'll be going home after. Taking a nap, and then studying 'cause I have a quiz in my ethics class. I'm sad I don't have my critical thinking book anymore. I just got rid of it in the whirl of getting ready for the move. Oh well. At least I've got the notes.

Also, cover of a Mister Miracle comic! 

Also meet GRANNY GOODNESS..  She reaches out of this world to make deadly little things like the ...

X-PIT!

waaay too awesome!

Quick joke that cracked Chris and Aaron up. Basically if I discovered the cure for cancer, mom would say "good job! ... If you were more organized, you would have discovered it sooner".

That really is mom in a nutshell. Ah well!

We're all at grandma's. Moving some stuff in. Throwing stuff out. This sort of stuff is what makes it feel like we're making it our "home".

Should be breaking for lunch in a bit. I know mom is tired. There's shit tons of stuff she wants to get done in my room though.

Dad unearthed some super old comics... Back from the 60s. I plan on reading them all.

As we all know, SUPERMAN was born on the planet KRYPTON and was sent to earth as a baby, just before an awesome explosion disintegrated his home world....

But in this IMAGINARY SAGA, things will happen DIFFERENTLY...

Yes, this is the home of SUPERMAN'S parents, JOR-EL and LARA, only days before KRYPTON'S fatal end..."

Squee! [Caps indicate bolding. The whole thing is in caps, obviously as it's a comic book]

Days like these just make me want to do something drastic. Something unexpected. Just a huge "FUCK YOU" to the world by doing something no one would imagine I'd really go through with.

I got my in-class essay back today. I wrote it sometime last week. I've actually been pretty anxious about it. No. I was actually super worried. I psyched myself up to thinking that a 70-75% would be acceptable. I didn't have a great feeling about the essay. I remember that at the end I hit some good ideas and elaborated on those, but looking back it made me wonder if the paper was just filled with tangents that didn't really gel together.

I was surprised at what I got.
Content: 9.5/10
Organization: 9.5/10
Grammar&Style: 9.5/10
(Total:28.5/30 = 95%)

I was happy to get the mark. Honestly though, that wasn't the best thing about it. It was the feedback that was written on it. It was by far the most positive and uplifting feedback that I've gotten on anything I've done in years, if not ever. I was super super happy. On my way home I called mom, since I figured I'd show it to her. Good marks are the only thing that makes me feel adequate to her sometimes. Sadly, not the case today, but that'll be the rant subject a few paragraphs down...

I've debated showing it to Chris excitedly when she comes over after work, if she does. (I have yet to hear from her, but I figure I'll give her a call when I know she's out). It hit me that it might further burst the bubble (or would, if there was one left to burst) since she doesn't really understand why I get so happy from my academic achievements. On that line though, it means I don't really have anyone I could share this joy with. (Not at the moment anyway. I suppose I could show Caleb when I see him online and get a thumbs up, but that could be a few in a few days).

Leads me to debate putting it in here, but then, would it cheapen it somehow to just share it with everyone? Screw that, is what I say.

Excellent work. Some insightful observations here, + I particularly like the conclusion of your fourth paragraph. You write well too.
Un tour de force. [with his signature at the end]

Now I suppose a bunch of people will just read that and think "so?". I don't care. It's nice to get a compliment from someone who owes me nothing. I know it's not someone who is faking enthusiasm to get me to shut up and move to the next topic.

Anyway.

For the second time in my life, I ranted to Aaron about shit that bugs me. When I called mom, I was walking down the street, practically floating, and looking forward to when I could show her. She asked if I had seen the stuff that was in the hallway. We were still on the phone by the time I saw. It was all of my bottles of alcohol. Sambuca, 2 rums, baileys, vodka, whiskey. She pulled the alcoholic card. "I know that Chris' dad is an alcoholic...". WHAT?! "I'm worried about you." Wtf? "Well, I'm worried about your relationship, and Chris...". JESUS CHRIST YOU BITCH!!

Her worries are completely unfounded. She just doesn't like Chris. It's like she's sub-human to her. That enrages me beyond belief. I want to slap the woman. Fall in love with the abusive, manipulating cunt, but reject current girlfriend who causes me no harm in any way? Possibly the best girlfriend I've ever had, by far? She doesn't fucking like Chris because of her education, I'm sure of it. She'd much rather me dating some university student. I mother bloody hate her for that. She just doesn't understand that I'm NOT HER!

I was telling Aaron that the next time mom asks what's wrong with me, I should just say I'm pregnant. ("...well, you know what I said about what happened in Tenn...?").

It also hit me that I haven't seen the gun range target poster in a very long time. She claims she hasn't thrown it out. ... I bloody cried when I couldn't find it. I'm sure someone went through my stuff and threw it out. I would seriously fucking hit them if I could. Here's to hoping it resurfaces eventually.

It's funny but during the first part of school, mom was completely out of my hair. I was getting 100% on all of the quizzes. Then she starts talking to me a bit more. I get a 95% and an 85%. This weekend she took possession over me. (Do this, do that etc). I know I didn't even earn an 80% on it.

She wants me to excel in school. For that, I need her to back the fuck off and essentially just get out of my life. Some people call that just me being a selfish bitch. Others would just say that I'm just really independent. Either way, I stormed over here to google apartments. Sadly I can't even afford a 1 1/2. (Not on the amount I'll be working this semester). My first thought was to immediately ask Chris if I could move in with her. (Before googling the apts). She's moving next week too. 3 1/2 in Lachine. Very very very close to work actually. Just imagine all the shit that would cause.

I told Aaron how Chris joked that mom'll have a mental breakdown when I move out. He agreed and when I asked why, he replied "She needs you too much". There are so many things that are wrong with that.

I do have my reservations with moving in with Chris. Mostly just because we've only known each other for a year. That's not very long in my books. Besides that though, I know we'd be fine. I do think that it's about time I start seriously thinking about moving out. I'm not thinking NOW, but maybe in January, or closer to the summer. Before I'm back to school full time, so I have some time to adjust. (Adjust? HA!!). I'll just have to sit down and do the figures some time.

It's just getting so fucking ridiculous at home. More than that. It really is a matter of prioritizing. My financial state or my mental health and self-esteem and all that.

That and David was over on Friday. Only after sharing an xbox360 controller did he tell me he thinks me might have pink eye. Well, I know the answer now. He does. It's been bugging my left eye since yesterday. I'm hoping it won't get that bad since I noticed it early, and I'm actually doing a fairly good job leaving it alone.

I hope I see Chris tonight. I want to go somewhere with her. Anywhere.

(  PICCY  )

I wrote that in grade 5. Now tell me what is SERIOUSLY wrong about it. I found it on Sunday and broke down laughing, showing it to Chris and Mom. I found it fucking hilarious. Obviously wasn't really funny at the time, but well ... just look at like. "What DOESNT belong here?"

Quick update.

I got registered for Philo of Art. With Alister again, but no biggies. I still have all my exams, which I did well on to begin with, so just imagine this time around. Also means I know what assignments will be done, etc etc.

It's my only class on Tuesdays and Fridays. HM! So I might work those afternoons. I was freaking out weeks ago about how I'd be taking a full course load, but it's totally ... light. I love it. I'm happy about that. It'll also be the first time I have class 5 days a week since well, my first semester I think. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Anyway, I'll post a picture of it once I finalize. I might call the help line again to register in a 105 gym. Why wait for the intensive in Dec? It fits now, really.

Classes are going ok. I'm almost ready for my presentation first thing tomorrow morning. I've never ever been the first in a class to present. Haha!

Class tonight, meaning I'll be online. Chris has overtime tonight so she might spend the night. That's pretty chill.

It's so weird to be free earlier in the afternoons. That's what my semester looks like it's heading towards. One day I end at 5, but it's my IA (4 hours, once a week for some reason). IA classes don't last all semester, w00t. So after that, I end at 2pm, whichever days I add my gym classes to.

Anyway, class ends soon so I'll be finishing this up here. We had 2 hours to write a ~500 word paper. I finished about half an hour ago.